For years Sunday evening has for me, and many of my friends, been tinged with a slight feeling of melancholy. Melancholy about having to get up early on Monday and trudge, often in the dark, back to the office, to work my ass off making money for someone else to enjoy.
For me, Sundays were always a little wistful.
The weekend fun had been all spent, and I, tired and drained, had to face the week ahead and the prospect of a job I didn’t really enjoy, surrounded by people who didn’t really get me. Sound familiar?
I no longer feel like this.
Since making the leap (or should I say, excepting the push) into self-employment, Sunday evening is one of my favourite times of the week.
Often, I’ve tied up all my loose ends from the week before, and I’m ready and raring to launch into a new week, resplendent with new meetings, new ideas and new possibilities.
There is no reason why we can’t all feel like this. It’s just a case of finding your truth, and doing everything in your power to follow it through.
Don’t get me wrong, this has been a slow process for me, but when you’re working hard at something you love, it somehow doesn’t feel like work.
My dream has taken on so many different incarnations. First I started my blog, and began to truly write. Then I started to make, I wasn’t really sure what, just anything I could. I started printing cushions, and sold my first ever piece of work at a Christmas market in 2012. I didn’t even cover costs, but who cares! I was finally out there, doing something. I’ve always made jewellery, but nothing really sell-able. I couldn’t really pin point exactly when the eureka moment happened. I truly think that by releasing (some of) the fear, opening myself up and letting creativity flow through me again in a way it hadn’t since childhood,
I somehow allowed my truth to find me.
All the time still working in my 9-5, but feeling more and more content as time moved on and I continued to toil at each of my passions, clinging to the hope, or perhaps, if I am brutally honest, blindly believing that it would all somehow work out.
Now I run my own small business, Bristol Papillon, and have a regular market stall (happy face – a dream since my teenage years).
And you know what? It is working out.
I chuckle when I look at some of my early attempts, but they served their purpose and I learned so much. Every day I chip away and my dreams piece by piece become reality. I am finally being completely truthful to myself, and working on my skills instead of trying to push myself into something that didn’t truly fit me – like a square peg in a round hole.
Finally I get to be my own boss, to write and create, to help people and, hopefully, spread a bit of joy.
And so, when I sometimes stop and come up for air and think ‘what the hell am I doing?!’ I take a deep breath, and remember
I may not be there yet, but I am closer every day